Why I Didn't Want to Become a Blogger

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My concerns, fears and thoughts about being public with my life and creativity.

I had so many reservations going into this. Ever since college, people have told me I should start a blog because of two reasons: my closet and my photos on Instagram. I didn’t think they were lying to me about the potential I could have as a blogger, I just had already formed a mental block against myself about it. You can name any excuse or insecurity and I promise you I had it.

After thinking about all of the reasons why I didn’t want to become a blogger, I can narrow it down to four:

The reputation, fear of judgment, living publicly and there are already so many bloggers.

Say blogger or influencer and words like basic, conceited or privileged can accompany it. I didn’t want to be seen as the girl who is into taking pictures of herself, posts too much, thinks she’s cool or is trying to monetize herself. I cared too much about how people would view me — both those who know me and those who don’t. Anytime I’ve heard anyone talk about bloggers or influencers it’s been in a joking manner. It actually wasn’t until I met my friend Sage that I was convinced blogging takes hard work, real creativity and that the blogger community isn’t unhealthy as long as you keep your mental state in check and surround yourself with like-minded people.

I was worried about being judged on my appearance, posts and intelligence. I thought about how I would have to take photos for my blog and my insecurities of being in front of the camera such as stomach rolls when sitting down (a very real and normal thing), posing (always awkward) and finding a balance between staying true to myself and pushing myself to explore blogging by having fun with the more staged photos.

Just as I was concerned about the reputation that might proceed me, I thought about what someone would say or think about me when they saw “blogger” on my Instagram. I questioned whether it would discredit my journalism degree, if I might come off as a failed writer turned blogger, if future employers would still view me as a professional or if my blog would be a big eyesore to my portfolio of published writings.

Changing my Instagram profile to public was a huge step for me. I kept it private for several reasons, two of them is to protect my family and to keep random people away from knowing too much about my life. The idea of people who I don’t know looking at my photos used to creep me out. To fix this, I hid my tagged photos. I may not have that huge of a following to justify this fear, but now that I never know who could be looking at my posts, at least I’ve taken the steps to hide the more personal parts of my life.

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Putting myself in the public eye took a lot of brain training and self-care. Social media used to make me miserable, insecure and borderline depressed. Influencers started to become prominent during my freshman year in college and no one was as transparent as they are now when it comes to sponsored content or reminding their followers that their life isn’t as perfect as their pictures look.

During that time I was already struggling with being comfortable with my own body and looks. Add all of the photos of girls with flat stomachs and great hair who seem to always be on vacation or photo ready and I found myself scrolling for hours comparing myself to very unrealistic body images and an unattainable lifestyle.

It took putting my profile on private, temporarily unfollowing every influencer or model and limiting my screen time for me to become healthy enough to post what I wanted to post, be public on Instagram and be able to distinguish the difference between likes on Instagram and a happy life.

Since there are already bloggers with 50,000 followers or more I kept pushing off starting my own blog because I told myself I’m not as trendy, pretty or interesting as other influencers. I would find myself thinking that I can’t create content because someone else is already doing it and is doing it well. After leaving my first full-time job and navigating my next steps I read Chillpreneur by Denise Duffield Thomas . It reminded me that I don’t have to be verified or claim to be an expert in whatever I share, I can just contribute what I can and that’s enough. There is no need to put pressure on myself to be the best out of everyone, I can and am only asked to be the best me I can.

There are so many pieces of advice and parts of my story I can share but for readership’s sake, this post can’t be too long. If you’re facing any adversity with social media, struggling with image or are looking to start your own blog, I’d love to talk with you! Whatever you are wanting to do, start doing it. The only person who can hold you back is yourself.